#@%* That Matters Technology, Electronics, Psychology, Sports, and Ninjas.

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. Threaten to jump out of a ground floor window.

2. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".

3. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "mmmmmm, that feels soooo good!"

5. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out "YAHTZEE".

6. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.

7. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

8. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it".

9. At the end of a meeting, suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem (extra respect if you actually launch into it yourself).

10. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off & on 10 times.

11. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"

12. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.

13. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again."

14. In a colleague's diary, write in 10:00 am; "see how I look in tights".

15. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague, and ask, "do you want to trade?"

16. Come to work in army camouflage and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."

17. Disappear into the toilets and emerge with your trousers over your head, then commence a 2 minute sprint around the office whilst holding your hands out to your side and making airplane noises. Return back to the toilets, get dressed again and return quietly to your seat as if nothing had happened.

18. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

19. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

20. Insist that your e mail address is: xena-warrior-princess@companyname.com

21. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

22. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

23. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

24. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

25. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

26. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

27. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

28. Dont use any punctuation

29. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

30. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

31. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

32. Sing along at the opera.

33. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

34. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

35. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

36. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend the potluck party because you're not in the mood.

37. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

38. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!"

39. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

40. UsE RAnDoM cAPiTaliZaTiON iN EvEryTHiNg YOu wrITe

41. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

42. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

43. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

44. Whenever you answer the phone, do so in a French accent, and slowly change it to a Japanese accent.

45. When the boss starts talking to you, open and drink a bottle of ketchup.

46. Hold open automatic doors for people.

47. Ask to borrow a pencil, snap it in front of their face, then point at the car park and ask which one is theirs.

48. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.